Not Be Saved
by shy-baby-2007
Summary: Edward left Bella, Jacob won't talk to her, Charlie is beating her, Rene is pregnant and doesnt want her, and she cutting herself. Will someone be able to SAVE her before it goes to far. R
1. Chapter 1

**chapter 1**

**disclaimer: i don't not own twilight **

_6 months after Edward left._

My life has been a lie. Everything I have lived for has been a lie. Why did I have to believe him the first time he told me he loved me, Now Jake won't even talk to me. I don't know what to do. Man why cant I just die. I wonder everyday if there is a way to escape this prison. I hate this why is it always about him, I cant do this anymore I hurt to much. I need to find a release from my prison of internal hurt.

"I got it" I said to myself as I got off my bed and headed for the bathroom

I was thinking of taking a bath to try to help ease the pain, but I had a better idea I striped my clothes off and turned the water on. I pulled it out of the medicine cabinet and placed it on the side of the tub when I got in. I could feel the water relaxing my body as I sat there to think.

Could I do this? could I really cut myself? I had to try it was the only way I could think of to release the pain. My boyfriend didn't want me, My best friend didn't want me, and my dad sure the hell didn't want me.

My mom told me she was pregnant and she couldn't take me in either, not in her state. So I was stuck here with no friends and no one to love me. Charlie started to drink about a month after he left me because he couldn't handle me being like this. Broken and in my own little prison of torture and pain. He hits me if I talk to him, he said he hated me and he doesn't want me to live here if I cant find a job in the next month. I cant take this anymore.

I grabbed the razer blade from the side of the tub and put it to my wrist. I dug deep into my skin as hard as a weak little human girl can go and I slid the blade across my wrist. I seen the blood and for once I didn't faint I just watched as it leaked out of my wrist, turning the water red.

I heard a knock on the door "shit" I whispered to myself " yeah " I asked

"Bella what are you doing in there" Charlie asked

"Nothing... I'm taking a bath " I said trying to keep my voice clam.

" Well you have been in there for over a hour" he stated " I need to go for a piss"

" Okay Ill be out in a minute" I said.

Shit what the hell am I going to do? I got out of the tub and pulled the pug. I grab a towel and warped it around my body, I found a wash cloth and put it around my wrist and hid the razer blade. I peeked out of the bathroom door to see if Charlie had gone down stairs again. I didn't see him so I ran across the hall to my room and locked the door.

I got dressed and looked at my wrist it had stop bleeding and for once since he left, I felt better.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A month later 

Ive been cutting myself for over a month and no one seems to notice, which is a good thing. I don't want anybody to know I have been cutting over that stupid beautiful vampire. he was so beautiful, and his lip against mine was intoxicating. _"NO STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM_" I thought to myself I cant think about him it causes more pain that I cant take.

I decided to take out my homework and start working on it. I pulled out the pen and paper so I could start my song for English. The assignment was to write a song that is from your heart "great" I thought to myself.

The next day in English class the teacher wanted us to read our songs to the whole class _"can my life get any worse"_ I thought to myself.

"Hey Bella I bet your song is going to suck" Lauren said with a smirk.

"Well" I said " At least mine isn't going to sound like a child wrote it"

"Just shut up Bella... you don't even know what your taking about" she said this like the was going to cry.

"Whatever"

"Ms. Swan" the teacher said. Oh god can this get any worst.

I got out of my seat and walked to the front of the class room, with my song in my hand. I cleared my throat and started.

" This song is called not be saved" I said to the class.

_who am I _

_is my reflection lying to me _

_I leave my heart to wonder _

_are all my questions answered_

_I never know what to say _

_when I see myself through the glass _

_if my heart was to shatter _

_would my reflection too _

_I've cut my hands _

_trying to put my reflection back together_

_is this who I am _

_a person who would shatter the angel starring_

_through the mirror _

_please write me the definition of hurt_

_its written upon their graves _

_tears have fallen yet I shall not be saved_

_I guess once more _

_I shall never know for sure_

_where my life ends _

_shall I take it now_

_when my entire soul is burning down_

_looking down at my reflection of shattered glass_

_my mirror was broken _

_with memories of my past _

_why is it so hard at times _

_with this burden to burn _

_no one really gives a care_

_trying to my heart back together _

_is like playing with broken glass _

_I'm bound to get cut by Sharpe edges_

_I've cut my hands _

_trying to put my reflection back together_

_is this who is am _

_a person who would shatter the angel starring_

_through the mirror _

_please write my the definition of hurt_

_its written upon their graves _

_tears have fallen yet I shall not be saved_

_faded and so silent _

_so haunted by my thoughts _

_holding it all inside _

_although at night I would cry _

_alone watch my own soul break _

_no one will ever know_

_the pain behind my eyes_

_I've let myself and my fears hold me down _

_I used to to be so safe and sound _

_now all the little pieces of me don't matter _

_I've tried too hard_

_now I bleed _

_what have I done to myself _

_I've cut my hands _

_trying to put my reflection back together_

_is this who I am _

_a person who would shatter the angel starring_

_through the mirror _

_please write my the definition of hurt_

_its written upon their graves _

_tears have fallen yet I shall not be saved_

_I've cut my hands _

_trying to put my reflection back together_

_is this who I am _

_a person who would shatter the angel starring_

_through the mirror _

_please write my the definition of hurt_

_its written upon their graves _

_tears have fallen yet I shall not be saved_

After i was done reading it to the class. Everyone was completely in awe. I don't know why, was it because of the song was really good or was it because they figured out my secret.

**Tell me what you think: do you want more ... Then Review.**

**That song is my song I wrote. Please do not take it. Thank you love you all bye eye**

**Shy **


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry it took so long kinda busy getting ready for the hospital... baby is coming soon... yay i get my little girl... i have a million dollar famliy now. little boy and girl hehehe now all i need is a dog. but anyways hope you enjoy. might now be as good as the first chapter, but hell wanna hear what you think anyways. love you all shy

I dont own Anything... or do i... evil smile...

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Chapter 2

Its been a month since I read that song to the class. They look at me like I'm some kind of freak. No one will talk to me after I read that. I guess no one cares but I don't want them to care I want to die. Charlie found out about the song because my teacher called him to tell him, and he freaked. He slapped me across the face and told me to get the hell out of his house. I didn't know where I would of ended up but I knew that I could stay here. He told me that he didn't care if I lived in my truck for all he cared as long I was out of his house.

I live in my truck now and I shower at school. Good thing they make you take gym every year. I have barely have eaten because I only have so much money. I am hoping that I haven't lost to much weight I think I'm still 100 pounds but what do I know.

I have written more songs but they are happier then the one I wrote before. School gets out soon and I saving the rest of my money which is only 800 dollars, but I'm saving it so I can get to Jacksonville so I can visit my mom. She told me that I couldn't stay with her but I could come see my little brother which is what I plan to do. I want at least see him before I kill myself.

I never think about him. Well I try no to anyways it hurts to much. I always wonder were he is and what he is doing. But I think I know the answer because he didn't love me in the first place. There is probably another girl... a vampire that he can have his way with and that he doesn't have to worry about killing her. I don't care though like I said it hurts to much to care. I have the scars to prove it.

I have been cutting for over 2 months now and I love it. It releases the pain that is tiering at my heart.

I think it is the best thing I have ever done. I tried to stop after I got kicked out but I couldn't, I am addicted to it I think I want to die but at the same time it feels good just to hurt myself. Everyone else hurt me so I figure why not give it a shot.

I hate when I'm listening to music on the radio, and that song comes on 'hold on'. No one cares if you committed suicide I think its stupid to even think that some one out there will ever care for me again. And like all those other people who commit suicide no one care about them either its all bullshit. Why do you think they commit suicide it the first place.

By the time I looked at the clock in my truck I realized I better get heading to school. I only had 3 weeks and then I could go to Jacksonville, to meet my little brother. Which his name I didn't want to ask why my mother would call him that. "Mason". God just hates me. I couldn't catch a break everything reminded me of him and now my brother has to too. Like Fuck God, Kill Me Now.

I started my truck and drove off the dirt road right out side of forks. I turned on the radio just so I could get some peace before all the stares and whispering started when I arrived. And of course it had to be a song that reminded me of him.

_**Warn your warmth to turn away,  
Here it's December,  
Everyday. small girlish echo: I like that**_

_**Press your lips to the sculptures,  
And surely you'll stay. distant: love like winter**_

_**For of sugar and ice,  
I am made. I am made**_

This song has to be about a vampire.

_**It's in the blood,  
It's in the blood.  
I met my love before I was born.  
He wanted love,  
I taste of blood.  
He bit my lip, and drank my war,  
From years before, from years before.  
**_

I really wanted release from my personal hell.

_**She exhales vanilla lace,  
I barely dreamt her, yesterday. echo: yesterday  
Read the lines in the mirror through,  
The lipstick trace.  
Por siempre**_

_**She said "It seems you're somewhere, far away" to his face.  
**_

I pulled my truck over not caring that I was going to be late for school. And reached into the glove compartment for my razer blade**_._  
**

_**It's in the blood,  
It's in the blood.  
I met my love before I was born.  
She wanted love,  
I taste of blood.  
She bit my lip, and drank my war,  
From years before, from years before.**_

**_Love Like Winter._**

I cut into my skin, over one of my many scars up my arm and slid the razer slowly and painfull across my arm. Letting the blood drip down. I could smell the sweet smell that used to make me faint. Now it gave me pleasure.

**  
****_Love Like Winter.  
I just sat there watch the blood drip down onto my seat. _  
**_**Winter.  
Three, four**_

Drip, Drip, Drip, Drip, Drip

_**It's in the blood,  
It's in the blood.**_

I decided than that this was my personal heaven.

_**I met my love before I was born.  
He wanted love,  
I taste of blood.  
He bit my lip, and drank my war,  
From years before, from years before.  
From years before.**_

After the song ended tears were in my eyes. I looked out the window to see to golden eyes staring at me before I fell into darkness.

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**Dun dun dun... I know you hate me... wonder who it is... anyone want to take a guess. Remember to review and I'll post the next chapter sooner. By the way I know how it feels for you to hurt so much you think the only way to take the pain away is to cut. Well its not I had to learn the hard way trust me... I love you all please review and guess who it is...**

**much love **

**Shy**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Okay well I am going to give you this next chapter cause I never know when my water will break...so I don't have that much time so I am going to try to update as much as a can before I go into the hospital. This story is also something I am really enjoying writing because it is kinda reflecting on my life when I used to cut myself. But I don't anymore thanks to my SON. But yeah I really am going to try and write more before I go into the hospital.**_

_**Thank you for everyone who read my other stories too and put me as one of their favorite authors. **_

_**XO XO XO XO XO **_

_**Much Love**_

_**Shyanne**_

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Chapter 3

I woke up to a beeping sound and I went to turn it off when I realized that it wasn't my alarm. It was a heart monitor. 'Fuck' I thought to myself. Why am I in a hospital? I looked around the room to be met by a golden eyed vampire.

Emmett was sitting in the chair across the room, looking at me with sad eyes. Why was he here? Why did he care? Why did he bring me to a hospital? Why didn't he just let me die? This made no scents, he left and so did the rest of them they didn't want me to be part of the family it was clear.

"Why are you here?" I asked with anger in my voice. I didn't want them to see me like this. But then another question came in to my mind. "Why are you hear and not Alice. She probably had a vision. So why wouldn't she be here and not you" I asked again with anger spilling out of my voice.

He looked at me with sad eyes. "I came to see my little sister." he answered. " And your other question Alice didn't have a vision. Edward made her not look into your future."He stated.

"Oh" was all I could say. " I don't understand why did you say you wanted to see your little sister?" I asked again. I am not anything to them they didn't want me.

"Because that is what you are. I came here to check up on you to make sure you were not in any sort of danger." He sighed looking at me. " What I didn't think is that when I came back I would find no trace of you, at Charlie's. What happen to you bells why are you trying to kill yourself?"He asked

I looked away fighting the tears that were trying to come. The memories of these last couple of months came flooding back. It killed to think about any of this, no one cared and now Emmett trying to acted like he cared is killing me more. I don't want their pity I want to die. How am I suppose to tell him about after they left my dad started to hit me?

"Bella please talk to me, you know I'm here for you." he stated.

"Do they know that you are here?" I asked trying to hind the pain in voice.

"No they don't know that I am here, I want to know what is going on in that brain Bella, why are you trying to kill yourself?" He asked again

"Isn't it obvious." I stated. " you all left me." I swallowed trying to get the lump out of my throat. " and after you left no one wanted me, you guys took all the love I had with you. Charlie started beating me, Renee couldn't handle me being there cause she was pregnant and Jacob wouldn't talk to me. After that no one would talk to me, they all avoided me like I was the plague or something, do you know how that feels. When no body wants to be near you no one wants to talk to you? I asked I was crying at this point I could stop.

" you all took the only chance I had as a real family away. You all didn't want me. The reason I moved here in the first place was to get away from my mother. I was sick of taking care of her I wanted someone to take care of me. And when he was there I felt whole like nothing could stop me from seeing him. I love him so much and I love you all so much and you all just left."

I didn't know why but I felt relieved to be able to talk to someone. About how I felt. I wanted to die still but at least one person or a guess vampire would know why I did it. I could control my tears they kept coming I wanted to release my pain, I wanted to throw something.

"Bella, I am so sorry we hurt you. Edward was just trying to protect you, from this world." Emmett stated.

"He wanted to protect me, how by leaving me. Well I got news for him, he didn't do a good job of that."I spat, By this point my voice was getting louder. " You think that him not being here is saving me, from Charlie's beatings, from having no friends, and from my fucking self. You know how many times I have tried to escape this fucking torment thats suppose to be me healing... me forgetting.

Human memorizes fade my ass. Why are you hear Emmett Cullen? Do you want to hurt me more? Watch me suffer? You all used me... I was just some little human pet to you guys. Why do you even care?"

"Bella I care and the family cares. God Bella the family is falling apart with out you. Me and Rose don't even look at each other the way we used to. Edward left. Hes somewhere in south America. And Alice cant even stand looking at jasper. And Esme..." I cut him off.

"This is not Jaspers fault. I knew I was risking being around a family full of vampires. With me being so clumsy and always falling. It was the rick I was willing to take. You don't think I knew that being around you guys would put me in some danger. But I was willing to take that rick to be around you because I loved you all. This is bullshit Emmett you and me both know it. Why didn't you just let me die. Then you could have your life back and Edward could have fun with all those beautiful vampires. Who care about the human when you can have someone you don't have to be afraid of killing."

"Bella why are you being like this? You know he loves you. You know we all love you. Why do you think I'm hear?"

"Because you want your wife to touch you again. Like god Emmett haven't you had enough of tormenting me? Just let me die already." I said starting to get angry. Who did he think he was.

"Bella I'm not going to let you die. Or kill yourself. Do you know that will kill the family. Are you crazy, Bella we love you." he said. God was I ever going to get a break?

"Emmett just leave" I said fighting back tears. " please just leave me alone." I sobbed.

He came over to me and pulled my into his embrace, holding me tightly, rocking back and forward. I don't know how long we sat there like that while I sobbed but I was aware when his cell phone rang.

He moved me every so slightly to his side, before reaching into his pocket for his phone.

"Hello" he said into the phone.

"Yes, yes I know," pause. " I don't care" pause " she needed my help and I help her." pause. " I don't fucking care..." he started talking to fast for me to hear. I didn't even what to know what was going on, or who was on the other side of the phone. I still wanted to die and be left alone ... Edward didn't want me who cared. No one would care if I was gone what would it matter I would be putting everyone out of the trouble there are in to involved me. It would make it easier on them.

I wish I had a Razer and I was not in the stupid hospital.

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**Short chapter sorry. I just am not feeling well... 11 days to go till I'm due... much love always please review !! thank you **


	4. dont kill me

**_okay im sorry you guys but i kinda have been really busy with just haveing a baby so ill try my hardest to update... please please bare with me i promise you that at least one story will be updated ... by the end of the week i sorry again and i love you all_ **

**_mych love_**

**_Shy_**


	5. vote

Hello i know i suck another authors note lol

okay so i have a poll and i would like you to vote what 2 storys

i should keep writing cause i have big big big writers block so i need to know what ones you

guys would all like me to keep writing because well lets just say i dont know what to write.

but i figure it out if you tell me which ones to write .

so go on my profile now and vote.

**_MUCH LOVE_**

**_SHY_**


	6. Sorry :

Hello

Yes thats right im still alive haha

I am so so so so so SORRY about the delay

but i dont have a computer right now that i can write on ....

i am waiting to get my new laptop so please if you can bare with me i will

try my best to get it as soon as i can ....

so i can update not just one but ALL of my stories :)

YAY ME!!!

Anywho Sorry again

Thanks

Shy

P.s Please Feel Free To Leave Hate Messages If U Must .... :)


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